Peace be unto thee!

The strangled fellow ain't stranger anymore.. he is me... and I know him just too well...

He is not sure of what he wants from life, he has to deal with insecurity, he is ambitious and he has very high expectations of self ... basically he is everything than can ensure that life be hell!

He wants to break free but is too scared to let it go... He wants to free his mind of all those dark clouds of anxiety but his half hearted attempts to do the same are of no good...

He being what he is, wants to prove himself every day that he is good and ends up finding himself to be average very often... which makes him sad...

He can not see himself performing low and he gets irritated when someone else performing low affects him directly or indirectly... He is not sure how to get rid of this problem...

He is not sure how to accept the fact that life is never a smooth ride and the fun of living is in the unexpected events which make him tense and agonized...

PEACE BE UNTO THEE

I am back ...

Hey there... :-p
Long time mannnn... I think it is almost 2 months since last blog and well 'Life' has changed a big deal in this space of time..

Couple of drivers of this change:
1) Job is not that bad anymore.. less hours.. fun at workplace... efficiency is high..
2) I am less bothered about 'impressing' boss and maintaining some image in office..
3) I am pretty fit again... getting back into athletic shape I was so proud of 2 yrs back... had put on some weight in last 1 yr...
4) I am playing good football... again... liked playing the game a week back... scored a hat-trick
5) I defeated Bharateeee ... a friend... in Badminton... It was a gr8 feeling to be winning again... in this b'ful game...
6) Oh and yeah... I got married... 25th Aug... ummm... ahhh.. okkkk.... No I am not discussing the event and the events post this event...

Ohhhh .. it is so damn similar man.. this life is just not changing.. to hell with strangles .. and to hell with my new flatmate chinta.. who says my blogs aint blogs but more of some 'memoirs' ... wtf!

I mean.. inspite of being married... I am still with these bachelors ... she is still in Delhi.. careers.. US trips.. Job Ex b4 switching... I mean these strangles.... they are just ... well..
they are just awesome.. because hehe... life is still the same...

Now life being still the same.. can be viewed from 2 angles... it is bad 'coz there is no change.. stale life.. but it is gud ... 'coz I luv it...

Okkkk I'm confused ... again...

Btw ... I am buying a car.. And no no.. I am buying it but she is driving it.. in Delhi.. while I still carry on with my 5 yr old Pulsar...
'She' being my wife.. Nidhi.. Hehe.. so funny.. this life!

Now bobo has this add-ons and all these softwares... he will know of this new post.. Oh I am so sure that fat... round tummy.. weird eyed... chink featured fellow will read this.. ha ha ha... I ve got a viewer..

Love being strangled by mind

This couple knows each other for more than 3 yrs now.. they met in Jun05 and it took him around 6 mths , probably a yr for her to realise that they are meant for each other...
That's how it worked out in their case.. in spite of the long distance between Delhi & Chennai... they have managed to sail through all the misunderstandings... confusions... and for past 1 yr rather more he is in Pune and she in Noida and things luking pretty gud between them..

But then amidst all the quarrels, fights they have had, they both also realised the fact that theirs is not any 'selfless' love... they love each other but then there are those expectations.. anticipations.. it is love for sure like.. the one expected between a woman and a man.. not the one shown in movies or between god and disciple (non existent now)!! .. parents and kids (has become very unidirectional now)...

Their hearts would always like them to be together... to be luving and caring for the other person.. but the sharp brain they both have been blessed with starts weighing things.. the mind starts calculating the 'return on investments' in the relationship...

"I did 'X' for her/him... I should be getting back nothing less than that".. be it the time devoted.. the gifts sent.. the messages/calls/letters.. the display and conveying of affection becomes very very important.. many articles talk of this .. to convey ur partner of how much u love him/her.. and this ends up making love rule bound.. strangled.. why cant there be the tacit understanding of love.. sober, calm, unspoken still very assuring presence of love looks infeasible..

I mean what is more important the 'existence of love' or 'communicating love irrespective of it's existence'.. of course a combination of both would work perfect but given a choice I would personally go for the former... if the opinion of the couple is same on this question then life becomes simpler..

At times the 'sharp' mind starts extrapolating and assuming things.. the past trend of the person in question or of friends of the person start affecting the mindset and perception of the partner... He/she starts assuming things and some prior incident become more important than the present.. so much more important that the love vanishes and heart goes for a toss.. it is only minds talking.. not any intellectual stuff but more of logical assumptions made based on the history of the partner or of his/her friends... Logic prevails.. Love fails!

This leads to a serious blame game.. all the graves are dug and issues dead long back come to the fore.. none agrees to accept the blame .. and rather mostly acceptance is not even a solution.. I mean the list of blames is so long that both end up defending, counter attacking.. and lo... the day ruined.. moods screwed.. ego sustained!!

This I believe.. or hope is common with all the couples.. but it should go away.. they both commit the same mistake.. and it should be minimized.. 'they' (wise fellas) say fights are gud for healthy relation but excess doesn't luk tht kewl..

Obviously things get back to normal in a day or two but as we know.. the hangover.. the aftereffects get cascaded to next fight.. and it just ends up increasing the intensity of the next fight ... increasing the list of blames...

Lazy weekend...!

Saw this song 'lazy lamhe' last night.. sexy Amisha dancing around Saif in a pool... what a song man!Then... I started watching a movie on Z Studio... forgot the name of the movie and cast, but it was gud ..

Oh but before all tht, I had yet again a 'cute' quarrel with my girl due to 'mis-communication'... it happens just so frequently now that if we don't fight for over a week we get bored..
So, in short Friday night I talk to my girl .. long distance call.. first 15 minutes go well... then as usual I get into my psychic fits and things get screwed up... try to get things back in place for another 15 minutes... but to no gud... She asks me to get lost and goes to sleep.

After that 'event'... I moved around my ass for a while and finally got back on the couch where I can be usually found on weekends.. rather anytime I am out of office...
And - place the first para here-

It was 2 by the time I decided to crash... and was already getting lazy n bored on this weekend.. I hate getting bored.. but end up doing the same most of the time.. I think mainly 'coz I am always broke.. either finacially or physically...or mentally.. forget it...

So morning.. was a fresh begininging.. Sat morning.. I luv it.. guy cleaning the pool ... nice breeze.. baiji making tea.. me reading paper.. writing blogs.. fuk.. intellectual style of living.. but lo.. chahcaji ka call aa gaya..
hmmm...

chachaji.. sh ram niwas mehta.. senior civil servant with rajasthan govt for 15 yrs now.. age 40..
currently chief executive officer , Baran, Raj... and he is so frust wid his life and job tht i cant tell u ...
govt sucks.. politicians suck.. corruption all around.. salary like peanuts.. working 12 hrs in govt job.. juniors n suboridinates dumb like ass... and lazy like me!

Oh man he talked for some 45 minutes.. I am a gud listener and do respond with ocassional yeahs and all.. but man.. he was just toooooooo frust.... i think he is by far the most "strangled 'not really a' stranger " i ve known...

he cant be corrupt.. he cant be lazy.. he fears losing his status of workaholic and perectionist.. he wants to be in the gud buks of one and all..

this just doesnt work out mannnn.. I did try to explain... pata nahi kitna chamka hoga unko..

but i felt sad for him.. i mean CEO of a district.. with all the power in world.. passing tenders of worth 100 crores every yr..

nevermind... me tired now.. and hungry as well.. will go for some grub... go as in... go upto kitchen.. baiji makes food on weekend.. oh she is just too gud.. gud as in.. nice person...

i m off now..
byeeee

Almost 3 months now...

I had created this blog to vent off my frustration in Princeton.. around 3 months bak.. but then I forgot all about it.. Imagine.. Can anyone be more stupid?? I mean anyone of my IQ be more stupid!!??
It is very frustrating that this 'venting off the frustration' point was lost in my life as I spent weeks in frustration all along...
No not that I am a pessimist and loser, frust with life.. I am not.. rather I am a fun loving fellow..
I play football, I try to keep my abdomen 4 pack if not 6 , I talk to my girl friend ( FYI, I am marrying her pretty soon), I work.. work 8 - 10 hours a day to earn my livelihood, I booze every fortnight ( I hate excess of it coz, it makes me lazy and fat and it pisses of my girl) , I trek once a month... blah blah blah...

But then there are things one can't control and make me so sick and angry...

1) This stupid SERVER I work on.. it is down for 2 days now.. they want me to get things to the client on time and I have no access to reach my own data! I have to go for 3 weeks long vacation and can obviously not delay the delivery , also I hate working late hours more so if I am wasting away precious hours waiting for the things to get set and blogging here for all u buggers to read and appreciate my skills!

2) There is this stupid girl in my company with zero brains and fuked up voice and she has not just managed to sneak in the firm , she is even earning more than me.. it is just so frustrating, feel like strangling her some day .. strangle her and the dumb fellow who got her in..

3) Then all my friends and relatives.. It is so strange that some of the best friends and close relatives I have had, need repeated cajoling and requests to see them in my wedding.. I mean so much 'ego' (on their part) and misplaced priorities (on my part).. it just makes me frustrated to the hilt.
Why do I need to request someone to come to my wedding.. I just need to invite and inform them and that should be it .. bloody following up with each and every guy as if they would do me a favor to be there.. They should be there if they love me and like to be a part of celebrations in my life.. Why should I be pleading!!??

4) My brother's house.. Oh MY GAWD... he bought a house for the purpose of investment.. to double his money and I was happy for him before realising that it would end up being an albatross around my neck.. I luv my brother .. rather I envy him.. he is a pilot.. he is a major in army.. he is national level rowing player and has played squash for his defence academy.. has married to a very beautiful lady.. I mean he got whatever he needed and now he bought this home.. gud going bro.. but dealing with all ur brokers and bankers is fuking my brains out!

5) And I hate the unwanted advisers in my life.. y u marrying already?? y u not going to foreign for honeymoon? y u sticking to ZS .. shift to finance?? y don't u buy a house!!??
I mean it is gud to be caring and being more experience one shud share one's experiences to the new kid on the block.. but not without being asked for!

hmmm..
I just read the whole stuff I have written again, and find it to be utter nonsense and foolish but since I have given 20 minutes or so to this I am going to post it...

I just realised that none of the causes of frustration and big enough.. so I conclude that it was worng of me to be frust over these small issues...

I would rather write about this ladki.. chiya.. i pity her.. she is in luv with me.. and is rather marrying me this month end.. marrying .. can u imagine?? even I can't !! but anyways so this b'ful (implies HOT) gal wants to marry me.. she is smart .. but thinks a bit too much.. she is pretty demanding and posessive but less than me.. she is caring and at times end up preaching but soon realises and stops.. she just does not talk in public, luvs her privacy a bit too much!

So basically she has got all the ingredients of making a good wife!! lucky me!!!

now there is a strong chance that only she is going to read this blog and I am sure as always she will try to read between the lines and boil down the statements to my thinking and opinion of her and will give me a hard time on phone.. yeah man.. it's a long distance relationship for almost 3 yrs now.. get to meet only once in 3 months.. !! ... but then I never lie over here.. [:p]

Since not too many guys gonna read this and she sure wud.. how abt a 'mwhaaaaaa' here!! hehe.. luv u chiya...

chalo.. i think server is up now.. should work now!!

current status....

sunday slipping away.. did the laundry.. played small court tennis.. lost .. not tired but just didn't get that back hand proper today..
wanted to go for gym.. but yest's tough footer was too taxing so dropped the idea..

was a meeting at office.. not directly related to me.. shud ve gone.. but decided to skip.. anyway it was a sunday.. just didnt feel like going...

n now bak to room.. a bit hungry .. will go for a decent dinner.. lazy mannn me too lazy...
...
life is boring again... shud go out now...

people i spend most time with...

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Why me back?

I was so frustrated with a few people I really care about that I was finding it tough to calm down. But a few lines from a blogspot made me feel so much wonderful... Writing is such a pleasure and calming sensation.
I would like to get back to writing.. Hehe.. those who knw me well enuf.. yes I never really was into serious blogging but I did manage one long back..
Time to get back to this wonderful art ...
'Strangled strangers'... is all about people strangled in this weird world of materialism ... and how high do I speak as if myself a saint.. Oh I suck.. I suck big time and am strangled the most around here.. But now I want to break free..
Break free of all this stupidity and ignorance and corruption all around..

I want to speak about the strangled strangers in this world and share my views to get a feedback on how to help ourselves out of this strangle..